Through the looking glass

{this is a very long post, with details that will bore most to tears. I'm mostly writing it for me and any other mom out there that is about to go through this, too!}


It was mid June when we started to notice Finn's right eye crossing. It would happen and correct itself so quickly, within a blink. It progressed, at first only when he was tired and maybe once a week. Then a couple times a day, building up to his eye being crossed almost all of the time. Somewhere in the progression, maybe a two weeks in (when we started to notice it happening a couple times/day), we took him into the pediatrician to have it checked. Our normal pedi was out of town, so we saw someone within the practice. He told us that it looked normal and that it would be something that he grew out of. If it continued in two weeks, I could call a pediatric specialist in our area.

That weekend, his eye crossed a lot and we just knew it wasn't 'normal' or 'developmental'. So we saw the pedi on a Friday. On Monday, I made an appointment with the specialist. In my mind, I would rather hear 'developmental' from him, if it was. Two weeks later, we had our appointment. This was around the time that his eye was turning almost always.

I was very, very nervous about this appointment. I mean, I get a little twitchy at the thought of the eye doctor. How could I introduce this and keep my almost two year old calm during what they told me would be a 2 hour appointment?! All in all, it wasn't quite the full two hours, but it was still very hard. Just filling out paperwork in a full waiting room trying to keep Finn contained was hard! I felt like a lot of people were assuming that it was my eye appointment, and were giving me quite the stink eye for bringing my baby. I was flustered from the get-go. Thankfully, it wasn't long after the paperwork hell that they called us back.

First, a woman tried to get Finn to put on glasses and grab the wings of a 3D fly. That didn't happen, he screamed and said "no!" over and over. Next, she tried to get him to look at a horse on the wall. Again, the screaming and no's. She was very, very kind though and smiled and simply said "maybe in 6 months". Phew! With the staff being calm, it really helped me feel better about all the tantrums! We went into a second waiting room next, to wait for the doctor. Now, my friend Dawn told me about this doctor. That he wasn't really personable, that he rocked cowboy boots in the farmland, but that he was the best at his job. Thank goodness she prepared me! They called us back to his room, and right away I knew he was.....ahem....as Dawn described. Without looking at me, he told me to sit in the chair with Finn in my lap. The assistants in the room smiled warmly. I tried not to cry. Right away, Finn was unhappy, but I can't blame him! He was poked and prodded and the Dr. asked questions in a firm and accusing manner. I tried to keep my eyes on his cowboy boots and laugh inside. Without warning he laid down the chair (ass!) and had me put Finn in a head lock so he could dilate his eyes with the drops. LOTS of crying. It was quite funny, at first he wasn't screaming too bad and the ladies were super impressed and then with one big inhale Finn let his loudest wails rip. The ladies giggled and said "oh, never-mind!". Again, the ladies in this office made me feel so, so much better. They're used to seeing this all the time, and while the Dr kind of ignored it, the ladies embraced it and laughed.

We went back into the second waiting room while the drops took effect. Finn was quite giggly about the whole situation and was rather fascinated with the lights. He just kept saying "liiiiiiiights, oooonnnnn!" all drawn out. lol. He mainly stayed fascinated by the lights and climbed all over the chairs...no tears this time, which was a win! The second we went back to see the Dr, though, that was a different story. Finn knew what was coming. Thankfully, he had a little moo-ing cow toy that continued to keep Finn happy long enough for the doctor to check his eyes. Right when the dilation started to take effect, his right eye went in and just stayed, so I knew something was up right away. My momma gut for the win!

Lots of people are asking me how the Doctor actually checked Finney's eyes, and the best I can say is that after his eyes were dilated, he look a bunch of smaller lenses out of a case and held them one by one up to Finn's eye. It was kind of a long process, with Finn not quite cooperating, but the Dr was looking to see how the back of his eye reacted to the different lenses.

With that, he was able to determine that Finn is severely farsighted in his right eye and somewhat in his left. What this means is that because his one eye is so much different than the other, his brain basically shuts the bad one down, which is why it turns in. Long run, if untreated, one side of his brain won't develop the same. No bueno. Our plan for the first two weeks was to see how he reacted to the glasses and then determine if we needed to do patching, and further down the road, surgery.

On a personal note, I have to say that I felt such guilt over Finn's eye troubles. I know that we caught it as soon as we could, but still went through every picture I have checking his eyes. I researched and read more articles than I can remember. I cried. I was mad. I went through it all. And now? It seems so silly. Finn's glasses are a part of him, and honestly, I think he looks cuter with them than without! Patching is a whole different thing, and I'm still terrified by the thought of that, so fingers crossed that the Dr is happy with our progress so far. 

It took a week for the glasses to come in (we went with Miraflex...function over fashion at the point, but they are super cute, I think) and so far, Finn has been awesome. He asks for his glasses every morning, knows to take them off when he's crying so they don't fog up (lol) and hands them to me when they need to be cleaned. His eye is doing great with the glasses on, but still turns in once they're off. Our follow up is actually tomorrow, so I'll throw and update on as soon as I know!