August 31 -- 9:45pm

I've been saying all day that Eddie's first birthday wouldn't feel real until the time he was actually born. Well, I couldn't resist and went in to give him a hug and kiss at 9:45. He woke up, we had a snuggle and I had a little cry and he went back to sleep. Little man, I love you so, so much.

-maggie

Wow

I'm not sure what to say. I honestly have had so many things running through my mind in the past two days that it is fairly overwhelming to be in my head. One year ago today, I was more scared, excited, anxious, etc, etc than I have ever been and that I think I will ever be. I had an image of how Eddie's birth was going to go. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I was scared of. And then, life has a way of taking your expectations, flipping them upside down, inside out and spitting them out its ass so that everything is so twisted and battered that you can't tell the top from the bottom. 2 days of labor. 2 days of feeling like I had it together. And then, HOLY CRAP I'VE LOST MY SHIT. The glorious epidural disappeared, Eddie turned posterior (sunny side up) and was lodged in my pelvis. I passed out on a birthing ball and woke up to my doctor screaming at the nurse and throwing the ball across the room. They lost Eddie's heartrate. The pain was something so overwhelming that I literally thought my body was tearing apart. I was screaming so loudly that the other girls on the floor (those poor, poor innocent souls) could hear me, so the nurses told them that someone was listening to the TV too loudly. Poor, innocent souls. I was rushed to the OR where I was in so much pain and flailing so badly that I almost flipped myself off of the table - they ended up just knocking me out. Frank came in, they started and I was falling asleep. To be honest, I was just happy that the pain stopped and that my baby was going to be safe. Jerry, the anestesiologist grabbed our camera and began snapping pictures. While I won't post it, I actually have a photo of my son being pulled from my stomach. Jerry would squeeze my jaw to wake me up - once to make sure I was ok, once to hear my baby cry and once to look at my beautiful son for the first time.

My life changed in that moment. And yes, I know that is corny. I know that every mom says that some switch goes off in you and suddenly, you know that this life depends on you....but in some other way, your life depends on it. This switch that has turned on, it can't turn off. It doesn't just disappear when you leave your baby, and oddly enough your find yourself worrying about your friends because OH MY GOD they just do so many dangerous things! How dare they! Don't they know they're going to give you a heart attack?!?! And there it is, you're a mom.

We left the hospital in normal time, and went home to be like any other family. But that night, Eddie didn't eat. The next day, we went in for an appointment with the Lactation Consultant, and she readmitted him for jaundice. For the next 3 days, my baby looked like this...

That mom switch? The freaking out over your friends doing stupid things? Yeah, imagine what that switch does when you have to see your baby like this. You new, fresh baby that should maybe still be baking in your belly....he is now in this scary world where they stick you with IVs and put you under lights. And as a mother, you feel every poke, every prod, every pain and panic, you feel it ten fold. And you're tired, and you're hungry, and OH MY GOD who knew boobs could be so full of milk and painful?!!? And you wish that the little switch would turn off, for just a second. Just one second to breathe, and sleep, and maybe have your boobs back to normal. And then you look at this little person, and your heart hurts because you just love them so much, and there is no where in the world you'd rather be.

The love of a mother is a powerful and overwhelming thing. I never knew that I could love anything so deeply, so quickly and without abandon. I can't imagine my life pre-Eddie, pre-Mommy Switch, and I don't want to. I feel like a year has gone by so quickly, but I can't imagine what I used to do....who I used to be. He depends on me. I depend on him.

One year. My God, I have learned so much. I've learned about toys, and what diapers and best and what wipes are stronger. I know what cry means what. I've learned and taught sign language. I narrate my every move and thought to my son who listens intently. I've spent more time attatched to a pump than I want to admit. I've memorized proper breast milk storage requirements. I can install a car seat anywhere, change a diaper anywhere and sing a song about anything. I say 'no' more in a day than I have in my whole life. I know the Mikey Mouse Clubhouse song by heart. I've learned that I love baby-wearing, but can't live without my stroller. I became a personal chef for a customer that liked everything steamed and blended. I've kissed bumps, wiped Eddie tears and my own (and maybe some Frank tears, too). I've rocked, bounced and swung. I've cheered for a roll, chased a crawler and encouraged a walker. We've had hospital stays, ER trips and doctor appointments. I learned the hard way that boys are boys from day one - my boy loves trucks, cars and playing rough. He has his first scar - right at the end of his right eyebrow. I've learned that no matter how hard you try, a baby on a schedule cannot be changed. I've learned that being a stay at home mom is hard. One year. How can one person absorb, learn and experience so much in one year? It really is mind boggling.

Eddie, I love you more than words can express. Every day, you make me burst with pride and love. You have taught me to see the world with a new perspective. I now look at things through the eyes of someone who trusts all, loves all and wants all. And baby, I promise I will give you all that I can. I love when you come over and give me a random hug and kiss. I love that little twinkle of trouble that you get in your eye before you do something you shouldn't. I love that you love the water, just like your mommy, and that you are just as inquisitive and curious as your daddy. And just as I say to you every night, I love you big, I love you small, and I love you tall. I love you deeper than the ocean, taller than the mountains, more than there are stars in the sky and fish in the sea. I love you, my sweet, sweet man. Happy Birthday, my love.

-maggie

ONE.

Today my boy turns one. Wow. I think I'll be okay for most of the day (I am a HIGHLY emotional person), but wehn the night time comes around I the memories come rushing back, I'll lose it. At 9:45pm, I fully intend to be a bawling mess and go into Eddie's room to give him a kiss. One year. I can't believe it. I'll try to write a long post later on Monday, but until then.....

Happy Birthday, big guy! I love you more than words can say.

Happy Friday!

In case any of you needed a pick me up.....isn't he the cutest? We got this shirt a while ago, and while it is still a little big, it is the cutest shirt in the whole world. Why? Because it's BEARS colors, that's why!!!!! And with Eddie rooting for them this year, we're totally going to lose going to the superbowl!!!! Oh, and Eddie says he is very excited to see his Uncle Mac and Aunt Amy this weekend...he can't wait to tear up see their new house!!

-maggie

Tug of War

Allow me to vent, please.


The pictures of Eddie's birthday party are going to take about 2 weeks to edit. DRAT! The downside of having an awesome and super busy photographer! So I'd really like these next couple of weeks to fly by. But then....

That girl that pops up in almost all of the pictures from my birthday? She's my neighbor, Nicole. The cute little thing with the huge blue eyes that you see in pictures with Eddie? That's her son, Ethan. When we first moved here, we didn't talk to many people. I started working for the builder of our neighborhood right away, and since most neighbors had some complaint about the builder or his warranty follow up, I was looked at with the side eye. Frank and I became friends with Jim, the builder's son, who is much more reliable than his father (hense why we're still friends). Through him, we became friends with more neighbors. And suddenly, I can't remember how we became friends with everyone else. So-and-so talked to that person, who talked to that person, and suddenly I'm in a neighborhood that I love. Somewhere along the way, I learned that Nicole was pregnant and due about a month after me. Now, when you think you're the only pregnant person near you, and you find out that someone else is pregnant, you want to be friends with them right away. But seriously, how do you just say to someone - 'hey, I think we have some shit in common. Want to hang out?' - I mean, really. Making friends when you're an adult is a mess. ANYWHO. I promise, I'm going somewhere. I had Eddie, they came over to meet the little man with the rest of the neighbors. 3 weeks later, Ethan was born. We started going on walks, having playdates....and then Nicole's world kind of flipped upside down. Her husband, Jesse, joined the Army and left for bootcamp in Kentucky. After months away from his family, Jesse recieved his orders....they're moving. Far, far away....to Germany. Jesse has 8 days to come home and leave for Germany. 8 days to say hello and goodbye to all of his family. Nicole is missing her brother's wedding, has to throw together a birthday party for her son and a farewell party for her family in one weekend and has to move to another country, with an infant.

 In the last couple months, Nicole and I have become pretty good friends. I mean, once, I even showed her my stretch marks. FOR REAL. And as much as I want the next two weeks to fly by, I want them to inch slowly. I am going to miss my friend. I am going to miss the nightly chats, random walks for ice cream, laughing about various mommy things, the person to vent to, the person to listen to....the person to run to when you need something that you don't have. I'm going to miss my friend so, so much. And as much as I think that Eddie and Ethan are too young to understand, I think Eddie is going to miss his friend, too. If we walk by, he points to Ethan's house. If we're walking by, he stops and crawls up their steps to knock on the door. He'll miss his buddy too.


So here I am, at a tug of war with time....trying to make it go faster and slower.

-maggie

Some tid-bits

Eddie has been extra silly today, so I had to share some of my favorite moments of the day so far....

-this morning as we were lounging in bed after daddy left for work, I folded a pillow in half and put it behind eddie like a chair. He leaned back on it and we had ourselves a little snuggle....and then, he sat up and quickly threw himself back onto it. He erupted into a FIT of giggles, and continued to sit up and then fling himself back onto the pillow about 10 times...all laughing sooo freaking hard. It was the cutest thing.

-eddie will pick up any little thing that is on the floor, and I mean anything. Multiple times he had pinched one single dog hair in his little fingers and held it up to me like 'MOM! you missed this!!!' So this afternoon when we got home from the grocery store, there was a small peice of cardboard or something on the floor. Eddie was about to crawl past it, when he stopped so fast that he landed face first on the floor. Now, I know that sounds mean, but it was the funniest thing in the whole world. I have never seen a baby literally skid to a stop to pick something up.

-and of course, while I type this, he is laying with his head against my thigh, just watching the computer screen. My sweet boy has been full of hugs and kisses this week, often stopping in the middle of playing to crawl over to me, give me a hug on my leg, foot, arm, head...whatever he can get to, just to turn around and go back to playing. AWWWWW. My heart melts every time!


-maggie

Swimming with the fishes

Last week Eddie and I went to the Shedd Aquarium to visit with my old RA from Eastern, Shovonne. She brought along her neice, Brittany and her son Robert. Shovonne is due with a baby girl in just a couple of weeks, and we can't wait to meet her little one! Now, let me say that I love, love, love all marine mammals. I think they are incredible and I still dream about being a dolphin or whale trainer. Sooo....my mom and dad got me the best, best, best birthday present ever. THE BELUGA EXPERIENCE AT THE SHEDD!!!  whoop whooooppp!!!

So anyway...I'm pretty pumped about it. The Shedd just recently redid their entire Oceanaruim and I have to say that it really is wonderful. They have a new polar play zone where your children can dress up in penguin constumes and play in a penguin "habitat"...now, your kids definately won't may look as cute as Eddie, so you should check it out!

They also have a hands - on area where the adults and older children can pet massive and frightening adorable starfish, and the little guys can splash in a little area that has fake coral in it and other fun things to feel. Needless to say, Eddie loved this section beyond belief.

We also got to see one of their Trainer Chats, which they are holding in the normal arena to get the animals used to preforming again. They also added a new screen that allows them to have birds fly in the show, so it was a fun little sneak peek into what they are doing. Now, I won't get totally dorky and post the pictures of the screen, mainly because you already had to suffer through the birthday dinner pictures. :) All in all, Eddie and I had a ton of fun. He and Robert became great buds by the end of the trip - hopefully we can get together again soon! 

I'm thinking we may go back there for Eddie's birthday since he had so much fun with the hands on stuff....and the fact that I love it too has everything nothing to do with that thought. Afterall, I need to get to know the belugas I'll be cozing up to in November :)))) (can you tell I'm a wee bit excited?!)

-maggie

Some advice

What to do and what not to do the day before your son's first birthday party. go (drinking) out to dinner (really, a lot of drinking) with some of your favorite people

Dear, dear readers, no matter how yummy the semi-spicy dipping sauce is, DON'T drink it like soup. It is not so good the next day, when you should be setting up.

Don't do this. Ever.

DO take cute pictures with your adorable husband.

Definitely drink the bellini's at PF Changs. They can turn into a don't, but really, they're still a DO!

Dancing on your birthday is a DO. Doing the dance that Jessica tries to teach you is a DON'T. Trust me.

Blowing out the candle is a DO.

But the dessert inside is a don't. (seriously, it was nasty!)

Sharing cake with your friends is a do! Yup, that's 3 people going for one cake. One ginormous cake....come to think of it, I didn't even try it!

Getting $2.00 off for your birthday? DO!!!!

As you can tell, my birthday dinner was quite fun. I know I wrote about how awesome my neighbors are in the post below, but really...they are awesome. We had so much fun...even thought we got stuck in a random midnight traffic jam on 88 and sat in one spot for close to an hour, it wasn't enough to ruin the night. Oh, and one last thing.....writing the wrong date (I put Eddie's birth date) and the wrong amount on the check for the babysitter is a DON'T. oopsie :)

-maggie

Wowza!

Saturday was not only crazy busy and stressful, it was awesome, fun and all together just wonderful. I'll work on a longer post a little later today or tomorrow, but just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE ALL THE BEST!! to our wonderful family and friends who helped us every step of the way. My awesome brother and sister in law walked the balloon arch to the park, got all of the side salads out and organized and just generally ran around and helped. Poor Mac also got to listen to a lot of my last minute venting and frustration and was able to calm me down a bit. Good thing he's the laid back one out of the two of us! My mom hung out with Eddie while we got the shelter ready and helped with more than I can probably list. My poor daddy got the wrath of an ice-less party host...sorry dad!! Our photographer and friend, Lindsay (photosbylindsay.com), was there to capture every moment so I wouldn't' have to worry about that. My neighbor (and drinking partner from the night before) Nicole helped a ton with the cupcake burgers and fries, helped set up and even broke out the broom to clean up. Neighbors Phil, Jim, Keith and Doug helped tear down the balloons (and only popped about a hundred :)))...), load up the cars, unload the cars and more. Jim and Doug had some good fun opening gifts and putting together various toys. My in laws watched Eddie while we cleaned up....and given the fact that we woke him from a nap to get to the party, made him take a bunch of pictures, gave him cake, dinner and lots of attention and playing, he was pretty pooped and probably pretty crabby. Did I mention that the majority of our family had 1-2 hour drives to get to the party? We have the most awesome family members ever.

Thank you, everyone! We love you and appreciate your presence at Eddie's party more than we could ever say. Big, big hugs to you all!
-maggie, frank and EDDIE!

Sneak Peek....

The middle part of the balloon arch (the 2 longer parts will go on either side) that will go around the door. Now, I will say that the building at the park is fairly....well.....um....boring? so I may be going just a *little* overboard on balloons. If you can call 200 balloons overboard. Did I mention that I am blowing up all of the balloons.....by myself (well, Frankie helps some, but his lungs aren't a match for my swimmer lungs)....which means that right about now, no matter how much I love balloons, well.....

......I'm pretty sick of them.

3 days until Eddie's party. Lets hope my lungs make it!

-maggie

Happy Birthday Cade!!!

Saturday was Cade's first birthday and we had an awesome time!!

Big sister Amber was excited, too....her third birthday is coming up in September....just a couple of days before our wedding anniversary! Eddie had a ton of fun playing with Amber and Cade's new toys...he and Cade even played together a bit! (aka Eddie stole Cade's toys and Cade would happily find new things to play with....Brianne said Cade is used to it...LOL!) Eddie also hung out with Grandma Pat a bit...(check out the sunscreen mohawk!)

But he really got playing with Grandpa Frank...first they ran around the deck a bit, until they found the highlight of Eddie's week.... The water table! Check out all of the new friends Grandpa Frank made! And then...the inevitable happened. Eddie got soaked and I became THAT MOM. The mom that let her baby run around in his diaper. YUP! THAT'S ME!!! LOL - meh. He was having way too much fun playing and splashing, I didn't have the heart to take him away, so he rocked the half nakie for a bit. At least he had fun!!

-maggie

A GIRL!!!

I just got a call from my cousin Brooke and I'm very pleased to announce that she is having a baby GIRL!!! I am currently over joyed at the prospect of buying loads of girl clothes....Yay Brookie!! (oh yeah, and Jusin!)

As a side note, I just wanted to say that MY HUSBAND IS THE BEST, MOST HANDSOME AND LOVING MAN I KNOW!! He is so generous, and kind, and handsome! Did I say handsome? And successful! And he is so smart! And works so hard! And oh man, I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH!!
(the above statement has nothing to do with the fact that I may or may not have just gotten into a wee bit of trouble for spending $300 for Eddie's birthday party. On favors. Did I mention that my husband is HANDSOME? AND SMART? AND I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH!)
-maggie

Fun with....

...chalk! Who knew chalk was not only delicious, but that it is also a lovely way to customize your plain blue onesie! Eddie, as fashion forward as always....

Awesome Arb

Last week Eddie and I went to the Morton Arboretum with my adorable cousin-in-law Michelle and her daughter Shelby. Eddie, as he has lately, freaked any time I tooke him away from something (his favorite water-ball thing, the music garden, wading creek, etc...) but was quickly calmable with some distraction. Can I ask, though....what is with this phase? Anything I take from him = tears and screams. It has even happened if I say no - as in, 'no Eddie, please stay over here' and he just sits and cries. OMG - it is killing me. I am really, really hoping that this passes, because really....KILLING ME. Anywhoooo....enjoy the cuteness :)

{Check the Bam-Bam shirt!!}

{Eddie loved the little sparklies on Shelby's shoes}

{2 toddlers, 2 cameras....each looking at the wrong mom. LOL!}

-maggie

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Every night the three of us walk the neighborhood...it started with Eddie in the stroller, then with him walking behind and pushing the stroller, then walking with his push-walker thing....tonight, all he wanted to do was hold my hand. At one point, he let go (!!) to walk into our neighbor's front yard. While he is becoming more independent with the various walker assistants, he just hasn't gotten the confidence to just go on his own - he will still sit down if he realizes he is standing on his own and is more comfortable walking to someone when they have their arms out...put those arms by your side and he sits down. Baby steps (haha), right?

{watch out! Eddie on the loose!!} {wait, something exciting in the sidewalk crack. He stops at almost every one.} {Eddie stopped and crawled up the steps to Ethan's house...lol!!}

Success!! Our neighborhood is building a home!! When Eddie and I walk during the day he has loved seeing the guys out the working. I think he will really love to see the house being built...we can only hope that the image of progress will stir up other buyers who want to live in our awesome neighborhood. Wait...what did I say about baby steps? Hmmm.....patience is hard!

-maggie

Gma!

Yesterday we had an awesome time at Frankie's parent's house, or Gma and Grandpa Frank. Eddie had tons of fun exploring with Grandpa Frank and playing with some mega blocks that they got for him. He was happy as a clam the whole time we were there, and didn't even seem crabby/tired when we reached his bedtime. Now, this is where I would normally put in a bunch of cute pictures, but my camera died and I got a whole lot of nothin! ARRGG. But, what does make up for that is that Eddie said GMA!! It was so cute...we were trying to get him to walk behind his stroller like he does at home (but their sidewalk has tons of little rocks and leaves and whatnot all over it, which means that Eddie is very distracted and would rather play with the leaves....) and while we were walking by Gma sitting on the porch, he goes 'g-ma, ggg-ma' and it was so freaking cute! So now he has both of his Grandmas very happy (saying Nanna and Gma), but is still holding out on the Grandpas. I was trying to explain to him that he would have a two for one deal on making his Grandpas very happy (no special names there!) but he didn't seem to get it. One day!

So, sorry for the lack of pictures. I promise I will make up for it another day!
-maggie

Yum!

This morning Eddie decided that he wanted to feed himself. Lots of splatter, napkins and outfit changes followed. Oh, and some cute pictures, too.

Have a wonderful weekend!

-maggie

Internet, I am going crazy. Seriously, seriously.....crazy. Last night I made a 3 page list of things to do for Eddie's party. Frank and I have a discussion almost every night about some detail of how things are going to run, when we do what, what games to have.....and OMG I am going crazy. See, my problem is this....(what, everyone else has to listen to me! Now you have to, as well.)....I have my photographer (the amazing PHOTOSBYLINDSAY.COM) coming. The party starts at 3, but she is going to come at 2:30 to get some of the detail shots and to do some pictures of Frank, Eddie and me together....most people are driving an hour (thank you family! we love you!!) to get to the party, so I am expecting some lates, so I don't want food out right away. We figure we should start food around 4:00, so people can talk/play a little first (the party is at our local park, so there is a lot to do...I figure most of the kids will be distracted with that first) and then we'll eat. My problem there is that Lindsay is going to leave around 4:30, so if we do food at 4ish, that doesn't leave much time for the cake smash pictures, and those are a must. SOOOOO....I'm thinking that we'll just sing/smash around 3:45. Yeah, so what...Eddie will have a little cake snack before his dinner. I think he'll live.....but I still cannot stop freaking out about it! Like I said before, I really wish I could do things the easy way...but no, I have to make this party a big ordeal. GAH! Silly me. Did I mention that the day of Eddie's party is my birthday? So, yeah, there's that too. I'm going to spend my whole birthday baking, decorating, cleaning, stressing and probably swearing. LOL! However...I am super excited that I get to see all of our family/friends for my own birthday, as well. It's a 2 for 1 deal!

Wow, this post turned into a big rant/rave session. Sorry about that! Oh, I did forget to mention one, tiny detail. Eddie's nap schedule has changed. He now normally goes down for a nap around 2:30-3:00. The time his party starts. Which means I either have to adjust his nap schedule (something I've always just let him figure out) or hope that he changes it on his own the day of the party. So I am either going to have a perfectly timed, perfectly happy, freshly napped baby on my hands....or I am going to have a meltdown city, seriously grouchy, I'm not smiling for anyone little devil baby on my hands. FUN!! Let's try not to think of that, shall we? We'll be positive and think that everything is going to run smoothly, Eddie will nap and wake up just in time and no one will think I am crazy for doing his cake before everyone eats....oh, and while we're thinking positively? I'm going to wish that the shelter/party area will be decorated to the nines, I will have no troubles the day of and that I will get an awesome birthday gift from Frankie. (coughcoughCAMERAcoughcough).
-maggie

Live your life, love your life.

Jen's obituary was printed today. Among her many accomplishments (climbing Mt. Fuji, fundraisers, etc) were some beautifully written words: 'Jen left us early and had no regrets', 'She did not like dark funerals, so please wear your favorite clothing.' and finally....

JEN WOULD ASK THAT YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE, AND LOVE YOUR LIFE.

-maggie

RR Crossing

Sunday we went to the Illinois Railway Museum in Union, Illinois for the Vintage Transport Extravaganza!!! Now, let me preface this by saying that we've gotten used to country living being a bit...well...half assed. Most museums and what not are small and not all that impressive, and an extravaganza out here is a garage sale in the city.....HOWEVER...the Illinois Railway Museum is not only AWESOME, but we would go there again, soon!! It was so much fun - there were old trains that you could walk through (scary if you're claustrophobic like me), tons on display and even ones that you could ride!! I know, I know...I sound quite dorky. But really, it was super fun.

{Eddie and Daddy on a little caboose thing}

{Handsome in his conductor hat!}

{Eddie and Grandpa, riding the 100 year old train!}

{Eddie and Daddy, watching the conductor} {hehee, we locked daddy out!} {End of the line! No, for real...it ends into the bushes!} {Eddie and Nanna} {Handing our tickets to the conductor}

{We had to pull over so the Nebraska Zephyr could pass! So neat} {Daddy and Eddie in front of the HUGE train!} {Check out the AWESOME fabric in the old train! So neat} This really was a cool place. Frank and I plan to go back again so we can check out more trains and ride the Zephyr, since Frank really wanted to do that. The Vintage Transport Extravaganza (!!!!) was pretty cool, lots of old vintage trucks and cars that were all very pretty. Eddie even got to drive the firetruck on the way out, which made him quite happy :) So, blog readers....take a trip to the cornfields and enjoy some old fashioned fun with the trains. Thomas the Tank Engine will be there the next two weekends (a full size, real Thomas!!! So cool.), for any Thomas lovers out there. The next couple of weeks are going to be crazy around these parts - we have something to do every weekend for the rest of August! It will be exhausting, but so much fun. All of the other excitement has me going a little crazy for prepping for Eddie's ROOKIE OF THE YEAR party (aka, his first birthday party) and I've made list after list after list to try and organize myself. One year, I will learn to take parties easy, but until then - his party is going to be HUGE!! (I'm planning next year already...lol!) -maggie