Me.

While I know I have been neglecting the blog, I have not been neglecting myself. Crazy thought, right? A mom who is actually taking...time? Time to be pretty, time to get fit, and time to find the girl that once was.

Part of this post is inspired by a comment on my last post, asking me if I've lost weight. The easy answer is yes, I've lost weight....and in the process of losing almost 25lbs (so far...I still have much more to lose!) I've found something much more important.

ME.

{please excuse the small, icky phone pic. But please, notice the rocking outfit and my general cute-ness!}

A couple months ago, I approached an old boss of mine about going back to work. They were happy to have me back, and I was happy to be back. So, twice a week I've been teaching swimming again. And my God, it makes me so happy. I left the club long ago because I felt I wasn't able to be seen as an adult -  I was constantly seen as the 15 year old who first started as a lifeguard. I would have never guessed then, and it still baffles me now, that I would return to that same place and find something I didn't really know was missing. Well....that's not totally right. I knew I lost something....I knew I felt a hole in me - one that I knew I needed to fix...but until I began fixing it, I didn't realize how lost it was.

After I taught, I swam. And I still swim. And in that process.....I remembered what it felt like to not be self concious. To not worry of what everyone thinks of me, to clear my head and to think more than I should, all at the same time. I've always been a fish.....but I never quite realized just how peaceful swimming was for me. Yesterday I did a Saturday morning swim....the sunlight was streaming in through the windows, reflecting on the bubbles I had made seconds earlier. And I'm not trying to be corny or anything....but it was my church. It was so beautiful. And at that moment, I thanked God....fate....myself....my zodiac sign....whatever you wanted me to thank, I did. Because those bubbles, the sunlight, and the wooshing of the water in my ears was the happiest I've been in a long time.

So was I sad before? Was I depressed? I don't think so. I think I was just lost.

My friend Vicki and I were talking about all of this the other day, and she explained what I was feeling to a T. She said "I want to be Vicki, who is a teacher, and a mom"....and I think that so much of the time I was being "that young mom Maggie"....and I want Maggie to come first. Mom can be a bonus, a swim instructor can be a bonus....but Maggie has to come first.

And thankfully, I've learned the importance of this. So I'll pass it along.

Find the thing you love. Some people have running, some people have yoga, and if you're like me, you swim. Once you've found it, DO IT. Often. And embrace the changes that it brings.....my skin, often, smells like chlorine, my hair is a little crunchier....but I have muscles showing! My skinny jeans are too big! And since you're feeling good....LOOK GOOD.  Saturday night I got dressed up (see above picture). The clothes are totally out of my normal range, and it felt GOOD. As I walked around the corner, my husband's jaw actually dropped. Holy hell. The last time that happened? I'm not that sure, but I liked it. And if I can make his jaw drop, even better if I can make some other jaws drop...because let's face it, nothing feels better than when you feel cute. sexy. Overall, good about yourself.


Slowly but surely, the girl I was once is coming back out to play. Back out to enjoy, and be enjoyed. And so far, I'm loving every minute of it.