Just keep swimming

On Saturday, September 8th I have my "big swim". If you've been around me in, hell, the last year you've heard me talk about this. The big swim for me is the Lake Michigan Big Shoulders 5k & 2.5k.  I've been wanting to do this swim for a couple years now, but have usually been pregnant or just off of my 6 week wait time for excersise. This year, I tried to refuse it. I made excuses, didn't push hard enough when Frank would say it wasn't okay money wise to sign up yet. And finally, once I saw that the 5k was sold out and the 2.5k was almost there, I jumped. I knew I had to sign up. I had less than 2 months to train. Yikes.

Now, I've been a swimmer forever, but my passion for swimming has come full circle, something that I think usually hits for people when they become adults. Something you hated and said you'd never do again transforms into some kind of serenity...the pool is my happy place, you all know that. Add being an assistant coach to an awesome team on top of that, and I really am happy with my sport and my involvement in it. And? I still have that competitive nature, so this race is feeding that ten fold. As race day approaches, I'm getting more nervous. I go through days of feeling like I've got it, I'm going to kick ass and days of feeling like I am going to fail and climb out of the water crying because I suck. Those days happen when I don't get to swim when I want, and I guess looking back it is kind of like I'm throwing one giant hissy fit for not getting my way, except I don't punish anyone but myself. I know that I need to keep positive, know that my outlook and where I am at mentally has so much to do with my performance. I know I do well under pressure and I have to go in with the confidence I deserve.

But oh, I'm scared. Scared I will fail myself and my goals, scared I won't represent myself well with all those people watching, scared of the fact that some of my now college-age swimmers will be running the event. Hell, self concious me is scared that people will cringe when they see my have-had-2-babies-body in a swim suit. But then, when I really think about it, I can visualize and feel what it will be like to run out of that water with a smile. To see my boys standing there with even bigger smiles. To feel an ache in my bones and burning lungs and a happy heart. When I visualize that, when I tell the negative side of me to shut up, I know I can do it.

So here is the official notice to my amazing family and friends that read this blog....cheer me on, please. I need you. I need your positivity and your awesomeness. Text me, call me, email me or leave a comment. Kick me in the ass if I say one negative thing, because I deserve better than that. I'll love you forever.

And because I don't want to leave you without a picture....

{these two, they love the forward facing camera on my iphone}

So now I'm off to check the event website again. Look at the times from last year, the course, run through my plan again. It's a daily occurrence...and only driving me slightly insane :)