I'm still waiting to take Finn's 6 month pictures, still waiting to write up his 6 month stats and, mainly, still waiting for life to rebound after RSV. Unfortunately life is a bitch, I have zero time to write and am regretting not jotting down his info from the well visit check and that damn camera charger is up on the highest shelf that I just don't feel like reaching.
Finn isn't sleeping at night. He is up every 2 hours (lately its been 4) and to be 100% honest, it is effecting me in the worst way possible. I am probably the least productive that I have ever been on the Mommy-front, choosing to turn on cartoons for Eddie instead of sitting down to play a game with him. I am so, so tired and zoned out and I hate the choices that I am making, but the vicious cycle of self-ruining is going on and on and I can't step out. I'm not sleeping, eating like crap and not drinking enough water. I'm not working out, taking time for myself and throwing pity parties every chance I can get. I'm relying too much on coffee and not enough on quality fuel for my body. I know these things, but am not changing them.
I long for a day away, without crying and toddler tantrums and I want's and spit up and runny noses. I long for a day of quiet and peace and a night of the same. I hate myself for wanting these things when such a huge part of me knows that so many people wish for the things I have.
My kitchen is a disaster, there are toys out in the playroom that haven't been played with in days. Food is spilled on the couch and there is something sticky on the floors of the kitchen. But I'm stuck. I'm tired.
Finn is 6 months and 4 days old, and I can't pull myself out of the funk for long enough to take a damn picture.
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